If I Die Young
by Dbeltfan1203
Summary: Something's wrong with Logan. But can Kendall handle it? CHARACTER DEATH WARNING! Kogan One-shot  will have another chapter with Logan later...
1. Chapter 1

**If I Die Young**

Summary: Something's wrong with Logan. But can Kendall handle it?

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><p>No one shoot me! I had to stop like 12 times while writing this story, because it's just so sad...<p>

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><p><span>Kendall's POV<span>

The week before, Logan had been just feeling off, like he was catching a cold, and so my mom and I finally convinced him to go to the doctor. I offered to go, but he said I would just be bored.

Logan had been quiet all weekend, he got home from the doctor yesterday around 3, and went straight to bed. He came out for breakfast this morning, then went back to our room and stayed there.

"Loges? You okay?" I knocked on our bedroom door.

"I'm fine Kendall… I just need to be alone." He stated from behind the closed door.

I shrugged and left him alone the rest of the night.

Around 10 o'clock p.m., James, Carlos, Mom, Katie, and I were watching Wipeout, when the door opened and Logan walked out to the living room.

I stood and ran over to him.

"Loges… you okay?" I hugged him. He nodded and hugged me back.

"Ms. Knight… can I talk to you?" He asked.

"Of course." She nodded and took him to her room.

"I wonder what's wrong." I sighed and plopped on the couch.

"I dunno." Carlos shrugged and settled down into James' lap.

"Maybe he has a problem…" James guessed.

"One he couldn't tell us about?" I asked.

"Hmm…" We all sat and waited.

After a half hour, the door opened and Logan and mom walked out.

"Mom you okay?" Katie and I asked at the same time. Her eyes were red and she nodded sadly.

"I'm going back to bed…" Logan told us. I stood and enveloped him in a hug.

"I love you Loges." I kissed his head.

"Love you to Kendall." He whispered and pulled from my hug and went back to the bedroom.

"Mom what's wrong with Logan?" I asked.

"He'll tell you… when he's ready…" She paused and stood, tears falling once again. "I need to go." She stated and ran to her room.

"Wow… I wonder what Logan told her…" Carlos stated, standing and pacing the living room.

"I don't know…" I paused as my cell phone started to ring. "Hello?"

"Hey Kendall, Gustavo needs you four to come in tomorrow." Kelly told me.

"Okay, That's fine."

"Thanks, bye."

"Bye." I hung up. "Gustavo needs us to come in tomorrow." I told them.

"Ugh… We then I need my sleep." James stood. "Coming Carlos?"

"Yes." Carlos smiled and took James' hand and followed him to the bedroom.

I sat on the couch a few more minutes to just think.

'What could be wrong with Logan? Did it even have to do with the doctor?' I wondered.

I shrugged and stood. I flipped the light switch off and walked blindly down the dark hallway.

I felt my knee bump the closed door, causing a soft bang. I opened it as softly as I could, but looked up when I saw Logan sitting on his bed with his bedside table lap on.

"Loges?" I spoke up.

"Hey Kendall…" He smiled.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked, not really sure what he would say.

"Not tonight, tomorrow…" He told me.

"Okay. Are you gonna join me?" I asked, pulling off my jeans and shirt and replaced them with a tank top and pj pants.

"Yes please." He nodded and hurried to my side. We settled under the blankets and I wrapped an arm around his waist.

"I love you Loges."

"I love you to Kendall." He turned slightly to kiss me.

I kissed back and then snuggled my head into his neck once he rolled back over.

"Kendall Francis Knight wake up! We have to be at the studio in twenty minutes!" Logan shook me for the fourth time.

"But Logie…" I whined, using the nickname he claimed that he hated, but I knew he loved it.

"Don't call me Logie… and get up, I don't want Gustavo yelling at us again." He stated and leaned over me. "Please." He begged and kissed me.

I reached up and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine." I smiled and sat up.

I got dressed and walked out to the living room.

"We have to go!" Logan gasped as he looked at his phone.

"But… I haven't ate…" I whined.

"Here." He handed me half his pancake and we rushed out the door.

"Fhanks Lofie!" I stated.

"Kendall… don't talk with your mouth full." Logan rolled his eyes.

I swallowed. "Sorry Loges." I kissed his temple.

"I swear… what are you gonna do when I'm gone?" I heard Logan mumble under his breath.

"You're going somewhere?" I asked.

"No…" He played it off. "I don't know what you're talking about." He chuckled nervously.

"Okay then." I shrugged as we made our way out to the car.

"Oh Yeah from the top!" Gustavo yelled.

"Gustavo! I'm tired of sing this song!" James whined. "We've sang it 13 times today!"

"Well then, what do you want to sing?" He asked in a tone that was most frightening.

"Uhm…" James paused.

"Let's have a break and sing random songs!" Carlos jumped up and down.

"Fine…" He sighed and we all smiled to each other.

"You dogs get to sing, separately, one song of your choice." Gustavo told the four of us.

We all looked around at each other.

"So who wants to go first?" He asked once we were given some time to think.

"I will." Logan spoke up. I smiled as he grabbed a microphone and handed his Ipod to Kelly who plugged into a speaker. She gave him a look of confusion, but he just smiled. "I'm gonna change a few words… So that it pertains to what I have to tell you all…" He told us then Kelly hit play.

"_If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song."_ Logan took a deep breath.

"_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down over Kendall. He'll know I'm safe with you when he stands under my colors, oh and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no, ain't even grey, but he buries his lover. The sharp knife of a short life…"_ Logan sang out with a new found strength in his voice. My eyes widened as I felt all eyes, except Logan's, look at me.

I felt tears sting my eyes. The song scared me. I stood and Kelly stopped the song.

"What are you saying Logan?" I asked him. He finally looked up at me, with tears in his eyes.

"Kendall… I'm dying…" He whispered. I felt tears falling now. "I figured this would be the best way to tell you."

"You can't be!" I gasped and took his hands in mine.

"I went to the doctors the other day, and was told I inherited this type of leukemia… It runs in my family, I knew I had a chance of getting it… It's the same thing that killed my sister... The doctors said it doesn't look good…" He told me.

"No…You were broken when your sister passed..." I stated. "I can't lose my Logie…" I whimpered. "Please tell me that this is some cruel joke!" I begged.

"I wish it was…" He sobbed.

I grabbed him and pulled him into the tightest hug I could give. He sobbed on my shoulder as I sobbed on his.

Once we finally let each other go all I could do was stare into those big brown eyes that I loved.

"Logan…" Carlos spoke from behind me. I moved so he could hug Logan.

"I'm sorry…" Logan cried as Carlos stood in his spot and sobbed.

"So it's not a lie?" James asked, the only one, of us four, still dry eyed.

"No." Logan shook his head.

It all finally clicked in his head and he fell to his knees, tears pouring down his cheeks. He held his face in his hands as loud sobs escaped his throat. Carlos soon joined him and they held each other as they cried.

"How long?" I finally asked.

"I have no idea. They said no more than 6 months…" Logan told me.

"6 months! That's it!" I asked.

"Maybe a little more… they put me on some medication that is suppose to reverse the type of leukemia I have, but it's only experimental." Logan told me.

"Then we're gonna pack a life time into the next 6 months!" I told him.

"Like when James was married for a day?" Carlos spoke up, his tears finally run dry.

"Sorta." I told him.

"Logan, I'll be right back." I stated and ran out of the studio and down to the closest jeweler to the studio.

"Hi my name is Steve, may I help you sir?"

"Yes, I need special wedding bands made." I told him. "I had an idea and I needed to know if it would work."

"What is the idea?" He asked.

"I want to imprint my thumb print into a silver wedding band, and my boyfriends into the other. Can that be done?" I asked.

"Why yes it can." He smiled. "Just follow me, and we'll pick out a pair of bands that we can use." He showed me a bunch of silver ones and I finally picked two of the same style.

"These are perfect." I told him.

"Okay. Now we just have to get both you and your boyfriend here for the rings to be made, then they'll be done in about 4 days." He told me as I was paying for the two rings.

"That fast?" I asked, quite shocked.

"Yeah, no one orders these, so we get them done fast." He smiled. "Just bring him by sometime before 3 today."

"Okay. Thanks." I left with the two rings and hurried back to Rocque Records.

"Kendall! Where did you go?" Logan asked once I walked through the doors to the recording studio.

"Logie, we have to have our entire life packed into 6 months, so I might as well start with this," I pulled out the wedding band in his size and lowered myself to one knee.

"Logan Phillip Mitchel, I love you. I've loved you since we were 13 years old, and I've loved you every day for the past 5 years. I'll always love you… not even death can make us part," I paused, "So will you marry me?" I asked.

He stared at me for a few seconds before nodding quickly. I smiled and slid the ring onto his finger.

"I love you so much!" I picked him up and kissed him. I looked over to James and Carlos.

"Well that was fast, but we're happy for you." James smiled.

"When are you gonna have the wedding?" Kelly asked.

"Next Sunday." I told them.

"So soon?" Logan gasped.

"Yes. I want you to be my husband as fast as I can." I told him, taking his face in my hands.

"Okay…" He smiled.

"You dogs have the rest of the day off, I need to take a nap…" Gustavo stated.

We all headed back to the car and I paused as Logan went to climb in the front seat.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Uhm, driving…" Logan stated.

"No, James can drive." I told him, reaching for the keys.

"Kendall… I may be dying… but I'm not made of glass… I can drive home." He told me.

"How can you say that you're dying so casually?" I asked him as I climbed into the passenger side.

"Because, I accepted it. I know that I'm going to die…" Logan sighed and pulled out of the parking spot. He stopped the car before pulling out onto the street and let out a yell. "OW!"

"What!" I asked completely terrified. James and Carlos both sat up, with scared looks in their eyes.

"Just kidding…" He laughed.

"Logan!" I gasped and punched his arm. "That wasn't funny!"

"I told you I'm not made of glass." He smiled. I crossed my arms over my chest. "Oh Kendall… I'm sorry, I was just letting the tension be cut." He reached over and grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry… I'll be more considerate." He kissed the palm and my fingertips.

"Thank you." I leaned over and kissed him. "Now let's stop at the jewelers so we can have these rings made…" I told him.

"They aren't done?" He asked.

"There's a cute surprise that goes along with these plain silver wedding bands.

"Okay?" He shrugged and we drove there.

"Oh so this is the boyfriend?" Steve asked.

"Yes, this is Logan." I smiled.

"Well come with me to the back, and we'll get a mold done." He told us to follow.

"And what is this molding of?" Logan asked.

"Loges, I'm getting our fingerprints imprinted onto these bands, my ring will have your thumb print, and yours will have mine. So we'll always have each others touch with us." I told him.

"Aw Kendall… that's the sweetest thing ever!" He smiled and hugged me.

"How long have you two been together?" He asked.

"We've been dating since we were 13, I turn 18 in 2 months." I told him.

"Aw. That's cute. Kinda young to be getting married don't you think?"

"Well, not really…" Logan shrugged.

"Let me see your finger please." Logan held out his thumb, which was pressed into this clay like stuff. He did Logan's, then my own. "These will be sent off in an hour, and they should be done by Thursday."

"Good, because we're getting married on Sunday." I told him.

"Wow, that soon?"

"Yep." I smiled. "Well thank you, and call this number when they are ready to be picked up." I wrote down my cell number and we headed home.

"What are we gonna tell your mom!" Logan asked as we made our way through the lobby.

"Tell me what?" Mom walked up.

"Are you going somewhere? It's kinda important." I asked.

"No. We can talk." She smiled. We got to the apartment, and sat down together on the couch.

"Mom, Logan told me what happened at the doctors the other day." I started, which brought tears to her eyes.  
>"Logan… I can't believe this is happening…" She stated.<p>

"Which is why we're gonna happily tell you this. We're getting married, on Sunday." I told her.

"This Sunday?" She asked.

"Yes. Logan and I have to pack an entire lifetime together into 6 months. I've already bought the rings, and I'd like you to be there. It's only gonna be you, James, Carlos, Katie, Logan, I, and the preacher."

"Okay." She smiled. "As long as you two are happy."

"I'm as happy as I can be while my fiancé is dying…" I stated.

She hugged us both.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

I woke Sunday morning already excited. We all got the day started with breakfast, and then Logan and I disappeared to our room to get our tuxes on.

"Kendall… does this tux make me look fat?" Logan asked standing in front of a mirror.

"No never…" I smiled and straightened his tie. He chose the color silver to be our theme color.

I styled my hair and watched Logan style his own.

"Don't forget the…" I pulled out two small boxes."

"The rings… I won't." I smiled.

He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Ready to become Kendall Mitchel?" He asked.

"Ready to have a lifetime together?" I asked back.

"If the answer to both those questions are yes, then we need to leave now." James laughed from the doorway. He was fully attired in a suit with black and silver striped tie and his hair slicked back. Carlos wore a suit and black and silver striped tie as well. I smiled as the four of us stood in the living room and waited for mom and Katie.

"Tell mom my hair is fine! I don't need anymore mom spit!" Katie groaned and walked out of the bedroom.

I smiled at my sister, in her metallic silver dress, with a large black bow around the waist and black shoes to match.

"Mom she's fine." I told her.

"I know, are we all ready?" She asked, fastening her silver earrings in her ears and sliding on her silver bracelets. She had on a simple black dress, but had silver items to match our theme.

"Okay. Let's go!" I smiled and we left the apartment.

As we walked through the lobby, everyone stared.

"Where ya going guys?" Camille asked.

"Logan and I are going to get married." I told her.

"For real!" She screamed out.

"Yep." I smiled and laced my hand with Logans'.

"Well congratulations." She smiled.

"Be back later." I waved and we left to go to City Hall, to get married.

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"Do you, Logan Phillip Mitchel, take Kendall Francis Knight to be your husband?"

"I do."

"And do you, Kendall Francis Knight, take Logan Phillip Mitchel to be your husband?"

"I do."

We switched rings, and signed a few papers, then it was done.

"I love you Loges." I whispered to him.

"I love you to Kendall." He smiled and I leaned down to kiss him softly.

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I knew that eventually Logan would start looking sick, but it started only 3 months after our marriage, and he was getting worse by the day.

"Kendall?" Logan looked up from his book.

"What?" I asked.

"You love me?"

"Well of course. I married you, didn't I?" I laughed. "I love you."

"I love you to." He smiled. His cheeks looked sunk in, and no matter how normal he ate, he was loosing weight fast. He could still sing and perform, but it was winter, so we didn't have any concerts.

But even through all this, he was still the same smart, goofy kid I loved.

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"It's only been 5 months!" Carlos shouted.

"Yeah 5… they said he would be lucky to make it to 6…" I sighed and held the now sobbing Carlos in my arms as we sat in the waiting room of the hospital.

Logan was so weak that his body was just shutting down on him.

"Mr. Mitchel?" Logan's doctor walked over to us.

"How's my husband Dr. Stevens?" I asked.

"He's deteriorating fast. I'm sorry to tell you this, but the medicine did nothing, now all you can do is take him home, keep him in bed, and wait." He stated. "I'm really sorry." I felt tears sting as James screamed out.

"Just take him home and wait for him to die!" Dr. Stevens looked taken aback.

"That's all we can do James…" I spoke up.

"I just don't understand how you are so calm about all this!" James huffed, tears falling.

"Logan and I have been prepared for this day since we got married. I knew he was going to die. We both did… and we have accepted it…" I told him then turned to the doctor. "Can we take him home now?"

"Yes. Right this way." We followed him to Logan's room, where they were already helping him into a wheel chair. I rushed over and helped.

"Ready to go home Loges?" I asked.

"Yeah." He smiled at me and I pushed him out to the car.

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"Sing a song with me?" Logan asked me randomly.

"What song sweetie?" I asked. We had moved his bed to the living room, and we would sit with him though the night, I'd stay with him at night and then we'd switch around during the day.

"Any song at all." James spoke up.

"Will you guys sing 'This is Our Someday' with me?" He asked after a few moments of thinking.

"That's your favorite." I smiled.

"Yeah. I love that song." I climbed onto his bed next to him and wrapped my arms around him. James and Carlos sat at the foot of the bed.

"Yeah, we can sing it." Carlos nodded. He grabbed his ipod, turned the song on, and let it play through the speakers.

Even through everything Logan had been going through, he still sung like an angel.

We smiled and sang along to the song, just like we had so many times before. I smiled and kissed Logan's forehead as he sang his main part. I looked up as the front door opened slowly and Gustavo and Kelly walked in. I waved. They stood and listened as we sang our song.

Kelly had tears in her eyes, and Gustavo looked like he was struggling as Logan sang.

James held Carlos tight as we sang. They clung to each other as I held Logan in my arms. He smiled and laid his head on my shoulder as we sang.

Soon mom and Katie were standing next to Gustavo and Kelly, just listening to us sing.

"_Cause this is our someday."_

We all hung out the last note. I looked over to Logan as he went silent before the rest of us. His eyes were closed, and his face held a smile. My eyes went wide as I realized I'd never hear that angelic voice ever again, or see those loving brown eyes anymore.

I heard James gasped and Carlos cry out, but I couldn't look away from the peaceful look on Logan's face.

"Kendall…" My mom touched my arm.

I took in a deep breath, which I had been holding, as it finally settled in. Then tears rushed to my eyes.

"LOGAN!" I screamed out. I let my head fall onto his still chest.

"Kendall… hunni." I felt her try to pull me away.

I let go of my grasp on his shirt and let her pull me off the bed. She hugged me close, but I just ripped from her hold and ran out of the apartment. I took the stairs down to the lobby and managed to exit the lobby.

"Hey Kendall! You okay?" Camille asked me as I passed her outside. I stopped on the sidewalk and collapsed to my knees.

"LOGAN! GIVE ME BACK MY LOGIE!" I screamed out, tears streaming down my face.

"Kendall…" Camille ran over and hugged me tight. "Shh…" She held and rocked me as I sobbed, tears were silently falling from her eyes as well.

"I thought I could handle it, I thought I had anticipated it…" I cried.

"No one can handle death calmly." She told me. I just kept silent and cried for the loss of my best friend.

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"Put the silver tie on him…" I told James.

"Are you gonna keep his wedding ring?" Carlos asked.

"No. He wanted to be buried in it." I told them. "Logan's my husband, and our marriage won't be severed by death. He'll be my one and only husband." I sniffed.

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Me and my two best friends, arms wrapped around each other, as we stood in front of a single tomb stone. The funeral had long been over. But we still stayed. Grieving over the loss of a friend. Me, the loss of my one love, my husband.

"Kendall are you gonna be okay?" James looked up from the ground, his eyes red, and asked me.

"I dunno…" I whispered, lifting my head and inhaled as I felt the wind blow through my hair. I felt almost dead myself. I felt like nothing could ever be the same.

"Can we help with anything?" Carlos asked, wrapping an arm around me.

"I just need to think…" I stated, and looked down at the freshly moved soil. There was dark spots scattered where our tears had fallen.

"We'll be in the car." James took ahold of Carlos' hand and the two left me to myself. I gulped and rubbed my eyes, trying to rid them of the tears that still fell.

"How do I move forward? I just buried my husband…" I asked myself. I looked up from the ground as one word popped up in my head. "Sing… I should sing how I feel?" I asked out to no one. "Yeah okay." I shrugged and pulled out my ipod from my suit jacket. "I have the best song for this…" I scrolled a bit before landing on a song I had long forgotten about until this moment.

I put one headphone in and let the other hang as I turned the volume up and let the intro start.

"_I always needed time on my own. I never thought I'd need you there when I cry. And the days feel like years when I'm alone. And the bed where you lie is made up on your side. When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?"_

I took a deep breath as I felt that familiar lump form in my throat and my eyes started to sting.

"_When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok. I miss you."_

I felt awful. The song was just making me more upset. But I knew that Logan loved it when I sang, so I knew that singing would help.

"_I've never felt this way before. Everything that I do reminds me of you. And the clothes you left, they lie on my floor, and they smell just like you, I love the things that you do. When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?"_

I wiped the tears that now fell, but more just replaced them. I let my hands fall to my sides. I closed my eyes and felt a hand grip my own. I almost opened my eyes but a voice stopped me.

"Keep your eyes closed. Sing to me." A voice whispered in my ear. I knew that voice anywhere. It was Logan's voice…

"_When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. And when you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. And when you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok. I miss you." _

I kept my hand tightly around his.

"Just think of the great times we had together." Logan told me.

So I thought of the dates on the beach at night. The two of us running barefoot through the sand before Logan would finally stop from exhaustion and I would grab him up and kissing him softly as we were bathed in the light from the sunset.

Logan reached up and ran his free hand across my cheek.

"_We were made for each other. Out here forever I know we were, yeah. And all I ever wanted was for you to know everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul. I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah."_

I sung the song, my eyes kept closed and I felt Logan's hand release from mine and his arms wrap around my torso. I tightened my arms around Logan, pulling him close.

"_When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. And when you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. And when you're gone, all the words I need to hear will always get me through the day and make it ok. I miss you."_

I finished the song and sniffed. I felt more tears fall as I inhaled the smell of Logan's vanilla shampoo.

"Loges… I miss you…" I whispered.

"I'll be with you in your dreams." Logan whispered. "Just close your eyes, I won't really be gone." Logan reached up and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I love you Kenny."

My eyes shot open and I saw what I had feared. It was just myself standing there alone. I could still feel Logan's touch and I could still smell his shampoo.

"I'm not really alone. I still have you in my heart." I smiled softly and touched the wedding band that sat on my finger. "I love you to Logie."


	2. Logan's POV

**If I Die Young**

Summary: Something's wrong with Logan. But can Kendall handle it?

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><p>I've been really lazy. So I'm finally updating. :)<p>

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><p><span>Logan's POV<span>

"Just go to the doctor." Kendall nagged me once again.

"I'm fine Kendall. Honest." I groaned. I knew I wasn't but doctors just gave bad news.

"Please Logan. If not for Kendall, then for me?" Ms. Knight asked.

"Okay! Fine!" I stood. "I'll go." I smiled.

"Thanks Logan." She smiled and hugged me.

"Want me to go?" Kendall asked as I grabbed my jacket and slid some shoes on.

"No. You'll just be bored." I smiled, kissed his cheek then left.

As I drove, I thought over my symptoms. I knew that I was feeling weak. Just like Jackson and Caroline had felt. I hoped I didn't have what they had, but I knew there was a chance.

I pulled into the hospital and went up to the front office.

"My name is Logan Mitchel, I'm here to see Dr. Stevens." I told the woman. "Is he here?"

"Oh Mr. Mitchel, good to see you, Yes he is… I'll inform Dr. Stevens right away that you are here." She stated and hurried through the doors.

Dr. Stephens was the family doctor. He treated my cousin, and he treated Caroline.

"Logan! How are you?" He rushed right out.

"I think I have it Dr. Stevens." I sighed softly.

"Oh no… Logan are you sure?" He asked, a look of sadness washing over his features.

"Yes. I feel just how both Jackson and Caroline did."

"But your cousin was in his twenties… as was your sister." He stated.

"Well that's why I'm here. Maybe you can prove me wrong." I sighed.

"This way then Logan." He led me through the doors to his personal office. "Sit." He pointed to a table. "I have to take some blood then I'll check all your reflexes and a few other things." He stated. I slid my jacket off, and he took a few vials of blood, then did a few other tests.

"How long will it take? The blood work." I asked.

"An hour or so." He stated then left the room.

I sat around bored. I grabbed my phone and called my aunt, Jackson's mom.

"Hello?" She answered on the third ring.

"Hey Aunt Tracy." I smiled.

"Logan, how are you?" She asked.

"I'm at the doctors." I told her.

"Why?" She asked.

"I think I have what Jackson and Caroline had…" I told her. She gasped and I heard her let out a sob.

"Are you certain?" She asked.

"I'm not sure yet, they have to get the results back. But I have a question…" I paused.

"What is it sweetie?" She asked.

"I know Caroline had a year… but how long did Jackson have?"

"They told him 6 to 9 months… but he was gone before he even hit 4…" She stated. I felt my heart jump into my throat. "Thank you Aunt Tracy, I'll call you later." I told her.

"Okay. I'll pray for you." She stated and hung up.

"Logan?" Dr. Stevens knocked on the door. I placed my phone in my pocket and waited for him to tell me the results.

"Well?" I asked after he stood there reading the folder of papers that he held.

"It's not good Logan…" He sighed. "The gene is active in your body. The same thing as both Jackson and Caroline had. You inherited that damned rare Leukemia gene that runs in your family…" He groaned and placed a hand over his eyes. "This leukemia is slowly killing off every member in your family… first your Uncle… then your cousin, Jackson… then your sister… now you… and you're so young." He sighed. "You're only 18…"

"Is there something… anything… I can do to counteract it?" I asked.

"There's this medicine… but it's only experimental. I started to research it after Caroline passed."

"Will it help me?" I asked.

"It might. I'll prescribe it to you now." He jotted down something.

"How long will I have?" I finally asked the question I feared the most.

"If the medicine works… you'll have a year… or even more. But if it doesn't… maybe 6 months…" He stated. I felt tears rise and I tried to blink them back… but they came anyways.

"Oh god…" I sobbed. "This isn't fair… I have a life… I can't be…" I paused. "I can't be dying… What will I do about my friends? My career… what will I do about Kendall?" I asked.

"Tell them… and help them accept the fact that this was going to happen. I was hoping the gene wasn't carried in you… It skipped your mother… but maybe it just affects every other generation…" He paused. "I'm so sorry Logan…" He sighed.

"It's okay… lets hope this medicine works." I stood and slid my jacket back on. "I have to go. Goodbye Dr. Stevens." I hugged him.

"You're a good kid Logan." He hugged me back.

I left, called in my prescription, and drove home.

"Hey Loges!" Kendall greeted me. I just kept my head down, ignored him, and went to my room.

I shut and locked the door then sat on my bed. I was going to die… and they didn't know… I hated watching my sister deteriorate and finally pass away… I don't think that Kendall could handle that… I sighed and held my head in my hands. I sat on my bed, and cried for a few hours.

Kendall only knocked one other time, and that was around 11 at night.

"Can I come in and go to bed?" He asked. I unlocked the door and went straight back to bed. I couldn't bear to break the news to him tonight… or even look at him. I was positive I'd look into those green eyes and just break down. So I lay on my side while Kendall readied himself for bed. I stayed facing the wall while he stood behind me.

"Night baby. I love you so much Loges." He kissed my cheek and went over to his bed.

It had been so long since he and I had slept in separate beds… A month before we started dating, it was late, and we were sleeping, but a crash of lightening lit up the room and then the walls shook. Ever since I was little thunder had always scared me. Kendall hadn't been fazed… he could sleep like a rock. But I was such a light sleeper. My ipod was dead, so I finally just tip toed over to Kendall and shook him. He let me crawl in bed with him and we snuggled together, his arms around me like he could protect me from the storm.

Too bad he couldn't protect me from this damn leukemia…" I sighed and rolled over to look at Kendall.

He was already asleep, the moonlight shining down, illuminating his blonde hair and smooth skin.

Morning came and I just didn't have the heart to tell him yet. I needed to… but I was scared. When Jackson told my aunt… she sobbed and stayed locked in her room for days, but finally he got her out of her room. He was told that he'd have 6 to 9 months… but he was dead before he even got to 4… When Caroline told me she had it… it was 4 years ago. She was my only family… and when she died… I fell apart. But Kendall was the glue I needed to be whole again. He saw how sad I was and how awful it was at the end… how can I put Kendall through all that?

"Logan… you gonna eat breakfast with us?" Kendall asked as he made his way to the door. I joined him and we actually had a good morning.

"So what's been wrong? Did the doctor just confirm you had a cold?" Carlos asked.

I felt my breakfast rise and tears blind my vision. So I stood, without a word, and left. Locking myself back into my room. I thought the entire day. I contemplated suicide… running away… but that was wrong. Kendall needed to know.

Around 10 at night, I decided the first person to tell, would be Ms. Knight.

I ventured out of the room and they were all watching Wipeout.

"Loges, you okay?" Kendall asked me after hugging me tight.

"Ms. Knight… can I talk to you?" I asked.

"Of course." She nodded and we walked to her room. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Can you shut the door? And come sit… you'll need something to hold you up when I tell you this…" I told her.

She sat and turned to me.

"What happened at the doctor?"

"Ms. Knight… my family has this gene that my grandfather passed down…" I paused.

"Okay?" She stated.

"Well…" I took a deep breath. "Remember Caroline?" I asked.

"Of course. Your sister… she passed a while back." She nodded.

"Caroline died from this rare leukemia gene… and… the gene has came up in my DNA…"

"You lost me Logan…" She stated.

"Ms. Knight… I'm going to be straight up honest… I'm dying…" I told her. She gasped and instantly started to sob.

"Are you certain?" She asked.

"Yes. My sister was lucky to have a year… I'll have maybe 6 months…" I whispered and looked down to my feet.

"Oh Logan…" She sobbed and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say as she rocked me while we both sobbed.

"Have you told Kendall?" She finally asked.

"I can't… not yet at least." I whispered. "It'll just break him…"

"You have to… you can't keep this from him." She told me.

"I just have to figure out how." I sighed. "Thanks Ms. Knight." I stood. "Can you get this from the pharmacy?" I handed her the paper.

"Sure sweetie." She nodded. We left her room and Kendall ran over and hugged me.

I kissed Kendall and went back to my room.

I turned on the laptop, Kendall and I share, and brought up itunes. There were some new songs that Kendall had downloaded. The top song was 'If I Die Young' by The Band Perry. It had been listened to a few times, so I knew Kendall would recognize it. I plugged my headphones in and listened to it once. That's when I knew how'd I would tell him.

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><p>Well I just wanted to add this part. So you know what happened with Logan. :) I know it's so damn sad... I'm sorry.<p> 


	3. Chapter 2

I know this story has been done for a while now. But I randomly got this idea... and I had to write it. Heh. I hope you like it.

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><p>"Katie, I need you to do me a favor." I asked my, now 22 year old, sister. We were in the middle of our weekly lunch dates. Mom had insisted that the two of us never lost touch. Not that we ever would. Katie was one of the people who helped me through Logan's passing. She was the one who never gave up. Even when I went through the month of staying locked in my room, sobbing my eyes out at everything that was Logan in our room. She was still there, bringing me food and setting it outside my door every morning before school. Other than James and Carlos, she was the cement that held me together.<p>

"Sure big bro, what's up?" She asked, her voice sounding child like.

"It's a serious thing." I paused as she lost the grin and became more serious.

"What do you need?" She asked. I grabbed her hand.

I took a deep breath. I needed this. We both did. Logan and I.

"Katie… b-before Logan got sick… we had some of his sperm frozen…" I paused, almost to bothered to continue.

"Yes." She stated, voice just above a whisper.

I blinked, eyes going wide.

"You will?" I asked. "You know what I'm going to ask?"

"I want to do this. For you. And for Logan." She gave me a smile.

I just stood, rooted to the ground. I felt my lip tremble and the prickle of tears forming as I grabbed my sister and hugged her tight.

"K-Kendall…. you're… squishing… me…" She let out a chuckle.

I laughed then fell silent. I sniffed, letting a few tears fall.

"Thank you Katie… thank you…" I whimpered.

"Hey now… no need to cry into your soup…" She chuckled and took a bite of her sandwich.

I just stared into my bowl of half eaten potato soup, the tears trailing down my nose and dripping into my bowl. I inhaled sharply and raised my hands to cover my face, almost embarrassed to cry in public like this.

"You're an awesome sister. You know that?" I asked, wiping my face.

"I try." She grinned.

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"How many vials do we have?" Katie asked. We were sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for Dr. Stevens to come back with a few things.

"Only 4. I honestly had forgotten we had this done until a few weeks ago." I told her.

"Well I have some good news." Dr. Stevens walked back into the room. "Katie, you are a prime and healthy candidate for this." He smiled then turned to me.

"What are the odds?" I asked, Dr. Stevens automatically knowing what I was asking.

"It's shown to skip a generation. Logan's mother didn't have it, yet both he and his older sister did. There's a 75% chance that it will skip Logan's offspring." He told me.

I nodded.

"Whenever you're ready Katie." Dr. Stevens turned to her.

I left the room and waited as they did the procedure.

I felt my stomach knot up. I still hadn't told James or Carlos yet. I pulled out my phone and dialed James' number.

"Hey Ken. What's up?" He asked, voice cheery as always.

"I just wanted to see if you and Carlos wanted to go get some dinner sometime. We haven't talked in a while."

"Sure bro. Tomorrow sound good?" He asked.

"Perfect. See you then." I smiled.

I sat in silence, staring at a picture of Logan. It was one of my favorites. He was holding his hands above his head, fingers spread to look like antlers. He was wearing his favorite OBEY sweatshirt and a red snapback. I chuckled.

"We might get a family." I whispered to the picture.

I waited for probably 20 minutes before Dr. Stevens came walking out.

"Where's Katie?" I asked, standing.

"She needs to stay lying down for a while longer. But you can go in there and keep her company if you like." He told me.

I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer before slowly entering the room.

She was lying on the examining table, a magazine held above her head.

"I'm sorry." I stated.

"Don't be. I agreed to this." She smiled. "I just hope my niece or nephew looks like Logan more than me."

"You're the best sister ever." I smiled.

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"How will we know if this one takes?!" I shouted, frustrated beyond belief. Katie and I were back at Dr. Steven's office again. I could still remember Katie calling me a couple weeks ago, her voice sad as she told me she had started her period. My heart had dropped into my stomach.

"Kendall, calm down." Katie took my hand.

I groaned and slumped into the chair.

"We just have to try again Kendall. It's nothing that you or Katie did." Dr. Stevens told us.

I stayed silent. We didn't have that many samples of Logan's sperm left. Only two more. I sighed deeply.

"Can we do anything to make sure this one works?" I looked up.

Dr. Stevens didn't say anything.

"Well let's get this show on the road." Katie stated, hopping up onto the examining table.

I stood and left the room. This time it had to work. It just had to.

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I was in the middle of filling out some things for work when my office phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Mitchel, call on like 1 for you." My assistant told me.

"Thanks." I hit the button. "Kendall Mitchel here."

"Kendall! It's Katie!" I heard her practically shout.

"Katie, what is it? Are you okay?" I sat up in my chair.

"It's positive. I'm pregnant!" She told me.

I stood up, almost knocking my chair backwards. "Oh my god Katie! Are you serious!?" I asked.

"As a heart beat!" She told me. "I took a test. It's positive." She stated again. I smiled.

"I'm gonna go call mom, and the guys. I'll see you later." I told her.

"Okay. Love you Kendall."

"Love you too Katie." I smiled.

I hung up and hurried to dial my mom's number. I told her the news and she was thrilled. James and Carlos reacted the same way. After I had finished talking to Logan's mom, who I still saw once in a while, I sat down in my chair.

My heart was still racing. I grabbed the picture of Logan off my desk and hugged it close.

"We're gonna finally start our family." I said to him.

I had a knock at my door.

"Yes?" I answered. My assistant popped her head in and smiled.

"You could go home, celebrate if you want. I can handle the rest of the paper work." She told me.

"Was I cheering that loud?" I blushed.

"A bit. But that's quite alright sir."

I quickly gathered my things and headed for my car.

I wanted to tell Carlos and James that they'd be the god parents.

I knew the way to their house. They lived in a two story house, in a rather quiet neighborhood. It's close enough to James' studio and the high school Carlos works at.

I pulled up and saw that both their cars were in the drive way, which meant that they were both home.

Parking quickly, I hurried up to the front door and knocked.

"Kendall!" Carlos opened the door and instantly hugged me. "What's up buddy?"

"Katie's pregnant!" I stated, beaming.

"Oh my god! No way!" James shouted from the living room.

"I'm gonna be a dad!" I smiled.

"Congrats!" Carlos shouted, hugging me once again.

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"LJ is kicking my butt." Katie stated randomly.

"What?" I asked. "You named the baby?"

"No. Well sorta. I call him/her 'Little Jerk' because I've been puking for the past 4 months. Plus I've gained all this weight." She chuckled.

I grinned. Katie had her own way of trying to not get attached to this baby. I knew in her heart she'd always love him or her. But she was the aunt. Not the mom. That worry was always in the back of my head.

"Well LJ can't help it." I told her.

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"I can't wait to find out the gender." I stated, practically bouncing in my seat.

"Calm down Kendall." My mom placed a hand on my shoulder.

My mom was pretty excited as well, her leg bounced and she stared intently at the receptionist every time she called a name.

Mom had told me, at first, that she had been a bit weirded out. But she understood. But the thought that her daughter was pregnant with her son's child was a weird thing. But she was behind me 100% and she was going to love this baby so much.

"Katie Knight?"

We all stood and followed Katie and the nurse to a room.

"Dr. Steven will be right in." She told us then left.

"What do you want it to be Kendall?" Katie asked me.

"I don't care." I told her.

"Lies. You know you prefer one over the other." She laughed.

"I really want a boy. But I'd be just as happy with a girl." I confessed. "A little boy with hair and eyes and dimples just like Logan…" I smiled at the thought.

"Well I hope it's a boy." Katie grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"Well hey there guys." Dr. Stevens walked in. "Ready to see what the gender is?"

"So ready." I nodded.

He got the sonogram started and we waited. He located the baby and listened to the heart beat.

"You sure you wanna know what the gender is?" He asked.

"Yes yes!" I stated, on the balls of my feet, clearly excited.

Dr. Stevens stayed silent for a second.

"And there's your son." He smiled.

"A son… I'm going to have a son…" I whispered, my hand moving to cover my mouth.

My mom instantly hugged me close. I just smiled.

"Want a picture?" He asked. I nodded and allowed my mom to hug me still.

After the doctor's appointment Katie and my mom went off to start buying clothes and other items.

I texted James and Carlos the news before heading home.

Once home, I went to my room and grabbed the picture of Logan, that I kept on my bed side table.

"Logie. We're gonna have a boy. A son. I hope he looks like you. Your dark hair and those eyes… and I hope he has the cutest dimples. And your laugh." I spoke to the picture before hugging it close.

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"You can't keep his name a secret! I have to know!" Katie argued.

"Nope." I laughed. "His name is a secret. You'll know once he's born and I fill out his birth certificate."

"Come on Kendall! No far! I hate that I can't call him by his name. He hears me you know." She stated, patting her now 8 months pregnant belly.

"Well he'll be okay for another month not knowing his name." I laughed. "It's a secret. No one knows… Only me and Logan know." I told her.

"Fine. But I guess I'll have to call him LJ till then." She stuck her tongue out.

"Uhh… Kendall…" Katie gasped. "LJ might not have to wait a month." She stated. I looked down and saw her pants were soaked and a puddle had formed at her feet.

"Oh god! But you still have a month!" I panicked.

"It's okay. Dr. Stevens said his lungs were mature for his age. We need to get to the hospital." She told me.

We gathered her bag and hurried to the car. She didn't seem like she was in any pain, since she insisted on calling mom and the guys.

"I was expecting to see you two early." Dr. Stevens smiled.

Katie got settled in as James, Carlos, and mom hurried into the room.

"We didn't miss anything did we?" James asked, his hair was wet, plastered to his forehead and he had on a pair of sweats and a shirt.

"James was in the shower when Katie called." Carlos laughed. "We hurried right over."

Katie chuckled then groaned as the first wave of a contraction hit. I held her hand and whispered into her hair.

"This part sucks…" She whined.

"It'll get better once the drugs are given." Mom told her.

Carlos allowed James to leave and get properly dressed and I called Logan's mom, which she was excited, and hopped on the first flight out to LA.

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Almost 8 hours had passes before Dr. Stevens checked Katie and gave us a smile.

"Ready to push Katie?" He asked.

"More than anything." She nodded.

James, Carlos, and I left the room and waited in the hall.

"Kendall you're gonna put a dent in the floor if you don't stop pacing." Carlos laughed.

"I can't help it…" I huffed, and continued to pace.

"I hope he looks like a tiny Logan. Like all those baby pictures his mom has of him sitting around the house. Remember those?" James asked. I finally sat down between my two friends as we reminisced.

"Yeah. Logan hated that she left them out. But we just laughed. Because he was such a cute baby… I miss him." I whispered.

"Me too." Carlos sighed, resting his head on my shoulder. "But I'll bet he's right here with us, waiting for Mama Knight to walk through that door with your son." Carlos smiled.

We sat in silence for what seemed like hours, till the door slowly opened and mom walked out.

"Kendall, come look." She smiled.

I stood and slowly approached my mom and the bundle she held. A massive grin was plastered on my face as I stared down at my little boy.

"Well, you can hold him." She handed him off to me and the baby opened his eyes. I let out a half sob half laugh as I saw his dark brown eyes that matched his dark brown hair.

"Hi there bud. I'm Kendall. I'm your papa." I sniffed, the tears starting to slid down my cheeks. I hugged him lightly. "It's so good to finally meet you Hortense." I whispered.

My mom held her hand over her heart and smiled. Both James and Carlos had tears streaming down their cheeks.

I closed my eyes and smiled as I felt Logan's arms wrap around us. I heard his laugh and saw him looking down at baby Hortense.

"He's perfect. Our little Hortense Jackson Mitchel." I heard Logan say.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my now gurgling son. He knew that his daddy was here to protect him. He grinned and I smiled at the two tiny dimples that graced each cheek.

Hortense was loved. By his papa and his daddy.

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><p>Did you like it? If not, I might just take it down. Idk. The story was good how it was, but this just satisfied the plot bunny I got. lol<p> 


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